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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2008.02.12  21.16
Happiness and Passion(s)

I read a quote the other day that basically said: the more things one has to be passionate about, then the more ways that person has to be happy. Now in a sense, I guess this is true; however, the reverse is also true. That is to say the more things a person has to be passionate about, the more opportunity for disappointment that he/she has. So I guess this idea translates to what many of us have learned and continue to learn... Life is a gamble. There are very few aspects, if any, in life that don't point to or stem from this idea. Marriage, children, friendship, family, and everything else seem to be some form of a gamble. 
 
I used to have so many things that I was passionate about and wanted to throw myself all the way into: God, basketball, football, writing, acting, love... you name it and I was passionate about it. What did it get me? Well it would appear it got me very little except heart ache and frustration... both of which, over time, seemed to have manifested themselves in apathy.
 
What I'm saying is - I WANT to be passionate about things again, but seem to have forgotten how. Now, I go to work and try to provide for my family... I'm definitely not passionate about my work, and while I love my family - I don't know that I still have the passion that was once there. It now seems a lot more like duty and obligation. Wow, that makes me sound like a selfish asshole doesn't it? *sigh* Oh well... the truth hurts I guess.
 
So the question is... how do I get it back? 



Mood: blank
 
 
1open ether| open sky


 
  2008.02.03  22.17
Hello Again

Okay, Okay... I know.  There's absolutely no excuse for me not updating in the last 4-5 months.  I can't say that I've been too busy, because a lot of the time I'm sitting at home, bored, drinking by myself.  (Bad habit I know.)  And I can't blame my computer virus, because that only occurred a month or two ago.  I'm currently on my work laptop, which is top notch.  I'm thinking of getting a Mac with some of my income tax return.  Any suggestions or opinions on the matter?

Well, Will has recently increased his vocabulary.  Nothing consistent, but the two newest words I found absolutely hilarious.

1. Naked
2. Titty

Yup, he's definitely mine.  Both of which were repeated after his mother said them and not me; for the record.

I'm still workin for the Engineering/Construction firm and despite the company losing a couple of huge jobs, I've managed to secure my position through June.  I guess we'll see where it goes from there.  Most days I could care less either way.

Nothing else to report really. I've been uber clean, but not really by choice, and the depression has been kicking my ass worse than usual.  What else is new right?

I'd report more, but like I said, there's just not much else to say.

 
 
1open ether| open sky


 
  2007.09.15  11.01
Open me up again doc, you missed a spot

HELLO all.  Umm, again.  Sorry I haven't continued to write like I said I would, but another trip to the hospital, another surgery, a touch of pancreatitus(spelling?), and the depressing day that was my 30th birthday seemed to keep me out of the writing mood.  Know what I mean vern?

So how is everything in the world out there?  We've got lil Will's fourth birthday party today.  The theme:  Shrek, what else?  This kid seems to be a one trick pony, but oh well, I'm sure I was the same way when I was his age.

B and I are actually going out tonight.  It will be for the second time this year.  A mutual friend's band is having their CD release party?  I'm not sure if that's what it's called but oh well.  Not a HUGE fan of the music, but the name of the band, "Knuckle Deep" makes me giggle consinstently.

Ok, time to start helping the mama bear get ready for the party.  ROCK ON!

 
 
open sky


 
  2007.08.13  23.46
second hand moves

Can't sleep.  Two larocets (which normally one does me in) and two benadryl and I'm still wide awake.

Was gonna have some sex in order to tire me out a little more, but typical marital bliss made sure that wouldn't happen.

AND I can't have any alcohol within hours.  Add to all this a little writer's block and viola!

I've currently got three unfinished screenplays in the works... I've hit a wall on all three of them.  Any offers of creative inspiration out there?  I just need a little shove in the right direction.



 
 
2open ethers| open sky


 
  2007.08.13  21.05
Walking the Floor

So I got up relatively early and will soon take some pain meds to help me go to sleep relatively early, but I have a bad feeling that I will have just a little trouble sleeping.  Why?  I have no idea.  I can't really be worried about tomorrow, because it is super routine, and even if they have to open me up, the risk of something going wrong is nearly non-existent.

I think I'm just turning into a homo.  I keep looking at my son and thinking: "what if?"  God.  Who the fuck is going to take care of my kid if something happens to me?  I've GOT to start taking better care of myself.  I mean, in this year of silence I've taken nearly every non-hallucinogenic drug there is, gone and done some not-so-safe things in the name of nothing, and hung out with people who viewed my safety just below their own... and even that wasn't very high.

Is it too late to start taking care of myself?  I know so little about health and the human body that I fear I may have already trimmed years off my life that are unretrievable.  Anyone?  Wow, I wish someone were to here to slap me and tell me to stop being such a pussy.

 
 
1open ether| open sky


 
  2007.08.12  23.29
Internal Organ Not-Needed

So I've been having chest pains for a long while now.

Apparently my galblatter has given up the battle.  It will be exiting on Tuesday.  For those that didn't know, the average person needing galblatter surgery has the four 'F's: Female, fat, flattulent, and Fertile.  I guess I'm "fertile" in the male sense of the word, but the others aren't really on my side.  I guess I'm just lucky?  Heh.

I am now going to begin the lengthy process of getting somewhat caught up on reading all your journals.  Wish me luck.

 
 
open sky


 
  2007.08.10  22.33
Hello Again

It’s difficult to get back into the groove of writing when you’ve been
distanced from it for a while. Stories and ideas might come with the same
frequency, but the details, dialogue, the twists, the turns, and the
character idiosyncrasies don’t. What you’re left with is an empty shell.
The framework of a building with no walls, roof, insulation, paint, lights…
no identity. The truly odd thing is that I don’t even remember how I came
up with these details in the past. It’s as if everything I’ve written in
the past just magically appeared, fully formed and ready for duty.
I glance around as often as possible, combing the current terrain for
some semblance of inspiration… people or small events that beg my
imagination for the opportunity to color the landscape of my story. They
are bound to be out there and ready, but the question remains: am I ready
for them?

Hello everyone!  I know, I know, it’s been forever since I’ve posted
anything.  By forever, I do mean that it’s coming up on a year and perhaps
longer since I’ve managed to put anything of significance out there.  Hope
everything is going well out there in lj land.  Wondering how many of you
people are actually still logging on or if everyone on the freggin planet
is now myspacin’ it.

Well this is an update, so I guess I should let everyone in on the news.
Been down in the Beaumont area for nearly a year now, and after working
collections for Conn’s during that time I’ve finally managed to land myself
a real job… more importantly a job with a real paycheck.  In other words, I
won’t have to get a second job!  I’m working for CB&I doing nearly the same
thing I did at Conn’s.  I call people that owe us something (be it money,
materials, or product) and I make them give it now instead of tomorrow.
They have offices all over the world, so after my 3-4 year stint on this
particular project is over, I’m hoping to transfer either to the Australia
office or the London office.

I have to say, I really like it here so far, except they restrict the HELL
out of the internet access & email, so I am having to type this into Word,
cut & paste, and email it to myself.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………………

As for Will, he is doing very well.  He’s continuing his different
therapies throughout this summer and although he’s still not talking, he’s
communicating much better.  Pics, signing, or actually using props are his
only ways of communicating right now, but that beats the hell out of not
being able to do so at all.  He’s still hovering around the 50lb mark; he
recently has discovered a great love for swimming and we thought that might
cause him to drop a few pounds, but we were wrong.

If I can remember how/am still able to, I’ll try to post some pictures on
here.  I’ve been in a really dry spot as far as the writing goes.  No lack
of ideas, but when I sit down to flesh them out, there’s nothing there.
It’s like I just have the hollow shells left.  It was making me sad for a
while, but there’s no point in that.

Okay, while I will try to start getting caught up on some of the reading on
here, we all know that there is no WAY I’ll be able to catch up on all of
it.  But when I’m in my new place here in a week or so, I’ll have
high-speed internet and should be online a LOT more often.  Until then
people, I’ll check in every couple of days and continue to try to post
things via cut and paste/email.  I miss all of you terribly and hope that
you’re all rockin n’ rollin, but be careful and take it easy… I’ve had to
slow down significantly myself, but not too much. ;)



 
 
7open ethers| open sky


 
  2006.08.01  12.53
Last Day Approaching

My last day at this job is Friday... then, jobless, I will return to SE TX and continue the hunt.  I have job interviews set-up, but mostly with large corporate moguls or generically named midsize companies who wish to be large corporate moguls.

It's been 16 days since I've seen will.  That's 384 hours; 23040 minutes, or 1,382,400 seconds... I've honestly never felt so lost before.  I can't bring myself to think about him for too long because I start to slip into sadness, and I just don't have time for that right now.

So - I refuse to sell my soul to Exxon-Mobile (they've got job opportunities).... am I insane?  Perhaps.  More to come.

 
 
1open ether| open sky


 
  2006.06.22  15.09


Go here for a good laugh.

Do it NOW!  I will miss this guy when I leave the dfw area.

 
 
open sky


 
  2006.06.22  12.19





Growing like a weed. Officially 3'3" and 42 lbs.  He'll be 3 in September.




 
 
4open ethers| open sky


 
  2006.06.22  11.29
Preparing for a Culture Shock

Gave my one month notice yesterday.  So by early August I'll be heading to the Beaumont area.  I'm so over-joyed I could just spit.  heh.  It appears that it might wind up with me being away from Will for a couple of weeks before I get down there; I'm not going to handle that very well at all.  bleh.

Good news: Will has finally begun utilizing some of the pecs program - using pictures to communicate his needs and such.  We really need to get better at taking down this pics of things we've run out of.  It's rather heartbreaking to have him bring the pic of Gluten Free Ginger Snaps only to find out that we don't have them to give.

I'll post a new pic of him shortly.  It's a perspective pic that makes him look even bigger than he is, but it's funny.  That is all.

 
 
open sky


 
  2006.06.16  16.23
crayons and home on the range

Big steps with the little one. :)

1.) Occassionally bringing us the pics on the refridgerator of things he wants to eat and/or of movies he'd like to watch, etc...

2.) He brought mama bear the crayons the other day and wanted to color. (He's never wanted to, or even entertained the idea.)

3.) He watched a new cartoon today - "Home on the Range" or something like that.  These last two are much bigger than they sound; it's very difficult to get him to show any interest in 'new' things.  w00t.

 
 
open sky


 
  2006.06.01  10.09
Bad Compass, Worse Directions

Can't remember for sure if I've posted this or not, but in either case, it's WELL worth a revisit.  The Holiday Inn Express Hotel & Suites in Austin/Sunset Valley, TX.

Dial 512-891-9500
Press #5 for directions.
Sit back and enjoy. (It helps if you envision a 500 pound man trying to give the directions just after sprinting up 9 flights of stairs.  OH, also, imagine having to use these 'directions' after a night of drinking and partying on 6th Street.)

Let the games begin - Joshie, you too...



 
 
1open ether| open sky


 
  2006.05.31  16.31
Dear Mr Vernon

"The school comes equipped with fire exits at either end of the library."

"Show Dick some respect!"

He died over the weekend at age 67.  The question is, did Barry Manilowe ever find out about the wardrobe raiding?

 
 
open sky


 
  2006.05.22  10.58
Republicans... Conservatives... Random ?

Can someone please explain to me why Republicans (your average conservative I guess) get so upset when the subject of the atrocities committed against the Native Americans is brought up? Umm... this isn't exactly a disputed fact is it? My only point was, despite the number of movies that have touched on the subject, I don't know that it's ever been dealt with properly; however when I voiced my opinion of this, I was met with GREAT hostility as if I was un-American. ??? Umm... any insight.

Anyone? Anyone?

 
 
3open ethers| open sky


 
  2006.05.09  12.05
Teasing Time

Bleh.  I'm quite annoyed by this.  If the article was available today, I'd buy the magazine; however, it's not available today.  It's not available until next week. *grumble grumble*

 
 
7open ethers| open sky


 
  2006.05.08  15.49
Why I need to be Filthy Rich

The image gallery made me cum in my pants.

 
 
open sky


 
  2006.05.08  11.46
Racism? You decide.

I guess coca-cola African-American just didn't have the same ring to it.

 
 
4open ethers| open sky


 
  2006.05.08  10.20
Dreams

"Was it a dream where you were where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?"

"No. ?"

"Why am I the only one who has that dream?"

 
 
6open ethers| open sky


 
  2006.05.03  13.00


Thanks to the great banuaba, who posted it on his journal, I just watched the new superman trailer.  Umm.. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

Now all I have to do, is explain to the boss why I have to change my pants and why it's really not related to me looking at porn on my computer.

 
 
open sky


 
  2006.05.03  11.57
More than Meets the Eye

Most of the cast (if not all) is "rumored," and I know it's been a while, but I'm not recognizing all the character names either. ???

More than Meets the Eye



 
 
1open ether| open sky


 
  2006.04.29  21.26
Official Diagnosis

Earlier this week, after 5 hours worth of a doctor's appointment, we got Will's official diagnosis: "Severe Autistic Disorder." It was the word severe that threw me. It's gone from the theory of "high functioning," to "a mild form," to the now official, yet dreary sounding, "severe."

Well, now at least we've got a starting point for different treatment/therapy options as well as financial help. His eye contact is up 300%, and he will actually come get one of us if he needs something now. I'm trying to remain as optimistic as possible about his possibilities.

Oh, and this just in: our public school system sucks. We have had to speak with several school officials and B has gone to a few meetings about the special education options which start when Will turns three.

I thought I had more to say... oh well, guess not.

 
 
open sky


 
  2006.04.12  13.07
Tranlation?

So I received this email from a customer of ours...

"Dear all

Duo to we need these samples top urgent ,we have accepted this charges for usd600.00

we have apply the charge,but ,we need about 1week to send out this charges

so ,pls, send out 100pcs samples per each of the both samples

thanks a lot

Merry"

I considered just answering, "You're welcome." I'm still undecided.

 
 
2open ethers| open sky


 
  2006.04.11  12.10
The Light of a Voice



 
 
open sky


 
  2006.04.10  09.15
Quick Fun Fact's of Johnny's Life

1. Will said "ball."
2. Dr's appointment 4-26-06 that will take approximately all day, and we will leave with an "official" outline for recommended treatment.
3.  A remote possibility that he doesn't have autism, but instead has Landau Kleffner syndrome.  Learn more here.
4. The Beaumont area has VERY little to offer in the way of employment.
5. I don't really have a 5, but my retarded brain would not let me post  without a fifth point.

That is all.

 
 
open sky


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